Summer's gone ……….. How'd I miss it?!?!? Here in the relatively vanilla world of the Eastern Mid-Atlantic, Summer was hot, not just “oh, my, isn’t it sticky out” hot, but “Welcome to Satan’s sunroom” hot. And dry. Real dry. My lawn is in the 6th circle of grass hell right now. We haven’t had any measurable precipitation since June of 1855. Which amazes me, given the fact that this area, the Washington DC suburbs, is one of the most God awful humid places on the planet. It was built on a swamp ya’ know. So even though the planet Mercury got more rainfall than we did this summer, you could theoretically drown just trying to breath the air. And yet here I am, smack dab in the middle of Labor Day weekend trying to get my head wrapped around the fact that summer’s over and I feel like I missed it. I hate that.

Wasn’t it just moments ago that I was cued up to see the latest (and last) installment of the much ballyhooed Star Wars Sixillogy? Sure seems like it. And I meant to review that film here, like I usually do, but somehow the whole space time continuum thing just got away from me. In fact, those of you (bless your hearts) who’ve been checkin’ in regular have probably wondered just how long I was gonna’ leave that column banner on my home page declaring that I was gonna’ write something wonderful about Star Wars, and Web Rings. Well, I apologize about that. But let’s move on. Because I’ve let so much time pass between my last web site update and now, I’ve gotta’ streamline all the topics, especially movie comments, because it all irrelevant now. So, let’s move quickly here;

Star Wars III – I’ve never been a huge SW fan, but I’ve enjoyed most of the movies. This one was clearly the best of the second set, but still nowhere near as good as any of the first set. Does that make sense? In my opinion, Lucas had it all goin’ on in the first three (actually the second three chronologically) SW installments and the second three (uh, really the first…….oh, who gives a crap!) just never measured up. But this one, the Third one, was clearly the best.

Batman Begins – I really, really, really, really, liked this movie. Most of you know that I’m a way big Batman guy, and so this movie was clearly one of the most anticipated films on my list. Was it perfect? Hell, no. In fact, there were several parts that really disappointed me. BUT, was it the best Batman movie so far? Hell yes!! This movie finally sets up the Batman the way most fans have always wished he would be. Big, Bad, and Kick Ass!! Am I excited about the sequel?? Hell yes, again. But it’s gonna’ be so far off, 2007 or 2008, that I’m liable to have forgotten all about the good things goin’ on in this film. So that sucks in a way, but I’ll wait and hope for the best.

Fantastic Four – Not high art, and certainly not as fun and fantastic as the Spider-man films, FF is still an acceptable film for Marvel. It’s head and shoulders over The Punisher and Elecktra!! The storyline stays fairly close to the comic origin of the Fab Four, (sorry Beatles) has some great effects, and will probably make enough cash to guarantee a sequel. One of my biggest complaints? The Things brow wasn’t big enough.

Remember a few columns back when I went on a tare about a bunch of horror films comin’ out in February? Remember? I got all worked up about Hollywood totally screwing things up by not releasing horror movies in October. Is this ringin’ any bells? Well, I went out and rented ALL of these February Scary films and now I know why they were not released in October. Because if they were, they would have ruined Halloween. Heres a thumbnail review of these stinkers*;


White Noise – This film, well, it…..uh, sucked
Hide and Seek – Robert DeNiro and Famke Janssen worked hard to make this, uh, well, it sucked too!
Boogeyman – Great opening sequence, classic Sam Raimey style, followed by major suckage.
The Darkness – Suck is too good a word for this stink-a-thon.
Cursed – Again, this film starts strong, really draws you in, and is genuinely scary for the first 30 minutes. Plus it introduces a really good lookin’ werewolf. Then, the writer, director and producer all must have shared a brain hemorrhage, because the next thirty minutes is injected with an incredibly high suck factor that is beyond comical. Then, the movie circles around again and ends fairly credibly. I dunno what happened to the venture, but it had all the earmarks of “too many Chiefs, not enough Indians”.
Alone in the Dark – I heard that the reviewers of this film pulled out their own eyes halfway through the opening credits, so I stayed away. My best guess? Sucked hard.

*Editors Note: I told him so. January through March is a wasteland for the most part. It's where the studios dump all the crap on their shelves not good enough for Summer or Winter. Bob Weinstein, head of Dimension Films who released Darkness was even quoted as saying "I released this movie The Darkness last year at Christmas. It's the worst movie I've ever seen in my life, this f****** Darkness, but it's a great slot. The Darkness made 22 million."

I also steared clear of House of Wax, I just can’t bring myself to see a film with Paris Hilton in it. Some other notable Summer movies that I missed were: War of the Worlds (I can’t believe I haven’t seen this yet!), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Skeleton Key and Land of the Dead. The Summer just went too fast. Ordinarily, I would have seen ALL of these films regardless of how bad or good they were. It’s just my thing, and yet, this Summer, I faded. I wonder if it’s and age thing. In July I turned, gulp, FIFTY!!! And even though I don’t feel any different, I think the reality of that age is whittling away at my internal clock. It’s like the way I haven’t been able to keep after this web site, or work on a new model, or, in this case, go out and see these movies. What’s the deal, huh? So now, here, on Labor Day Weekend, I am rededicating myself to the pursuit of modeling, and webbing. No more months of non-activity. No more reluctance to attempt to paint the damnable Bane model that has me stumped. (Check out my tribulations with the Bane kit here.) Halloween’s just around the corner and that’s MY time of year. If anything can pull me out of the doldrums, it’s a good Halloween month. For now I’ll peddle through September, catch up on as many of the aforementioned “missed” movies, and laying down all the info that matters right here. Ya’ dig? Happy Labor Day!!

HEY YOU! Got an opinion? Shoot me an email and let me know what you think.

EMAIL ME

BACK TO NEW COLUMN